What did I learn When I Pay Attention to My Relationship?
Holding hands and walking together is not enough to be happy in a relationship.
Do you know the most challenging thing in a long term relationship?
Upholding the ecstasy as time passes.
A relationship is a complex yet exciting chapter of life. You chase attention and arouse if it falls in line. The broad smile on the face that could not be hidden even though you try hard to mask.
Do you remember when your heart rang a bell of “I love you”?
I can bet, this is the best feelings which anyone experiences in his lifetime.
Every love story ends on a happy ending of lovers who struggle hard to marry and vow to stay together until the last breath.
None sets the scene, how’s life after 4–5, sometimes more, years of marriage. It is the time when you understand and find compatibility with your partner.
You would have noticed, the elderly couple holding their hands and walking in a park.
How Romantic!
You admire watching them, dreaming your love life in the old age by holding your partner’s hand and lean to the shoulder to put up with the same feel.
On the other hand, a couple who stay together to pretend how happy they are in a relationship, but no one can imagine how lonely they are. Later, the couple could not act in the suffocation and eventually go along the way of separation.
It’s painful. Isn’t it?
Not just you, most of the couples agreed to the same fact.
The question arises, Is there a way to fix these problems?
Absolutely! Humans are a social animal, and they need love and affection. When love is missing from any of the relationships, it’s getting bitter. The problems can be defeated by paying attention to the relationship details.
What’ll You learn in this post on paying attention in the relationship?
- What are the signs of distractions in a relationship
- Tips to get focus on the relationship.
- What are the things to avoid if everything is going well
Preserve the charm in a long term relationship demands time.
We usually forget the start of our relationship, the feeling of the first kiss, the long talks over the phone, bunking the college and spending the quality time together. It all fades, and we break up on silly arguments. The cause is quite fundamental, not paying attention to the inner connection.
Last year in March, my best friend Sara invited me for afternoon tea. I picked up a dozen doughnuts and drove to her place. We were gossiping about random things. Somewhere, I was missing my real friend charm.
“Is everything alright, dear? You don’t look happy.”, I asked her.
She was a bit hesitant to share her problems; on the other hand, she wanted to speak up to reduce the stress which she was carrying overhead.
The drops of tear burst out of her eyes. She leaned over my shoulder and snivelling, “I am disgruntled in my relationship.”
I stroked my hands over her back and let her speak more.
She hung her head and went on with the words.
“Dave does not give time to our relationship. Being around him, I feel alone. Most of the time, he talks over the phone, watching TV series, or busy in his office work. He feels irritated when I share my concern or feelings. He is always in a denial mood, not ready to listen to me. I am not sure what’s wrong with him.”
Sara sighs and asked me the same question, “Is there a way I can get back to the same relationship which I have earlier?”
Before jumping to the solution, let’s unriddle the other signs of not paying attention in a relationship.
Overstress
Remember the day, when you had a long hectic day, and you were fully drained out. Still, the unfinished work runs into your mind.
The overstress of work keeps people away from developing good bonding. People usually give priority to work and could not create work-life balance and sacrifice the beautiful relationship.
Arguments
You might have noticed the occurrence when you and your partner discuss a matter, and it turned into an argument. Sound familiar right?
At this moment, you both shout and avoid facing each other because it may lead to further aggression and anger towards your partner.
The arguments create tension and create cracks in a relationship.
Addiction for Materialistic Things
Is your partner addicted to social media and spend more time on the smartphone when you go to bed? This is the probable sign of not paying attention to the relationship.
It’s equally important to understand the remedies of broken relationship and turn the attention to make a relationship beautiful.
Navigating back to Sara’s questions, “Is there a way I can get back to the same relationship which I have earlier?”
She was scared of the behaviour of his husband; she did not want to lose the love of her life. Dave was a genuine guy, but negligence on the relationship started creating gaps over time. Sara has realized this because she will not find the cure; she would be all alone.
Sara blinked her eyes a couple of times and seeking my response. She was desperate to know the cause.
I am listing out the tips of saving the relationship by paying attention to it.
- Never get into an argument; in other words, whenever you feel your conversation is getting up a heat. Try to keep calm and discuss the matter later when you think it’s a good time.
- Include your partner into the major decisions like buying a lounge suite for home or deciding the dinner recipe. It’s a gesture of showing affection to your partner and make your better half feels good.
- Respect each other’s time and value. Give some space if your partner is busy working something important. Disturbing in the middle of an important task make others irritated.
- Accept your fault if you made any mistake. For example, if you have broken your smartphone, accept it, you made a mistake rather than making excuses around it.
- Greet your partner when he/she gets into the home after a hectic day. Sit with your partner and ask about the day.
- If you need some space, ask for it gently. Do not shout or blame.
- Encourage your partner to fulfil his/her dreams and inspirations. Never let your partner down if he/she fails to achieve the goal.
What’s next?
So far you understand, how to fix your existing problem if any or be careful if you are experiencing such kind of issues.
Now the question is, how to maintain the same in the long run, so the chances of misunderstandings lead to zero.
Two simple ways to stay connected and fulfil the love-
- Avoid unnecessary arguments — Clash of thinking is the natural reaction of a person. You should avoid fighting to prove your points.
- Include your partner in joint decisions
Sara and Dave are now a parent of a sweet baby girl. Both are spending their quality time and share their thoughts. They are more focus on the relationship, rather than keeping themself busy in shits. They try to find more creative ways to love more and energize their family life.
That’s what an elderly couple did when they were walking in the park. Holding the hand in a public place evokes an affection towards your partner. This is not the only thing they do, and they go shopping together. Spend time watching favourite movies.
On the happy note, I am concluding the post with a beautiful line —
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. — Mignon McLaughlin
How you pay attention to your relationship, share your thoughts and stories in the comment section.
Thanks for reading!
If you want to get the free pdf copy of this story, click here.
